Chapter Nineteen: A Visit Home

"Dad, I'm only in my thirties. I don't want to die, Dad..."

I felt a solid, warm embrace—one both familiar and distant, as if my soul had finally found a place of rest.

"If you don't want to die, then live well. A poor life is better than a good death—remember that!"

"I remember, Dad. Why haven't you come to visit me in my dreams all these years?"

"Dad?"

Hearing no response, I lifted my head and looked around, but there was no sign of my father in the courtyard.

"Dad? Where did you go?!"

"Dad, I have so much more to tell you! Dad!"

I searched inside and outside the house, my gaze finally settling on the half-open courtyard gate. Yes, he must have gone out. I’d go find him!

I pushed open the creaking gate, but before I could cross the threshold, I felt the ground vanish beneath my feet. My body plummeted uncontrollably into darkness, the courtyard fading further and further away.

When I opened my eyes again, I was lying in my bed. The curtains were still drawn, leaving the room in dim light. I sat up to clear my head, feeling my face cold and damp. I reached up and touched the wet tear tracks. Looking back, I saw a large, damp patch on the pillow.

I told the voice assistant to open the curtains. Outside, the sky was still a gloomy gray; I couldn't tell if the rain had stopped. I picked up my phone from the nightstand—it was past ten in the morning.

After a quick wash, I walked out to the living room. Lin Xingfan was sitting there, drinking coffee.

"Oh, you're up."

"Yeah. Why didn't you wake me when you got back? Where's Ji Leqing?"

Lin Xingfan curled his lip. "Just woke up and already asking for Ji Leqing. Typical."

"Don't start. She took care of me, isn't it normal to ask?"

Lin Xingfan set down his coffee cup and stood up, heading toward the kitchen. "Ji Leqing said she had things to attend to and didn't know when she'd be back. She left you some breakfast. I'll heat it up for you."

I pulled out a chair and poured myself a glass of warm water. "Aren't you going to have some?"

"I ate at the hospital cafeteria before coming back. Why did you sleep so late? Was your stomach hurting again last night?"

I shook my head. "No, I just dreamt of my dad."

Lin Xingfan set the timer on the microwave and pulled up a chair next to me. "What did Uncle Jiang say in your dream? Did he mention me?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "Why would my dad mention you in my dream?"

"What kind of talk is that? I’m practically his godson, why wouldn't he think of me?"

Lin Xingfan had a point, but I was too tired to argue. Looking back, I realized I hadn't really spoken much to my father in the dream. Aside from him chasing me around the yard with a broom, we’d just listened to him play the erhu.

Wait—the erhu!

I slapped the table, stood up, and rushed to my room, startling Lin Xingfan. The box was still on the desk. I didn't know why I was so nervous, but my heart was racing.

When I opened the box, the erhu, which had been badly scorched, had fallen completely to pieces. It was made of bamboo, so it was natural for it to split in the fire, but it felt different to me. It was as if it had fulfilled its duty after playing one last song, finally allowing itself to fall apart in peace.

Tears welled up uncontrollably. I didn't care about the soot staining my hands. I cradled the pieces, sank to my knees, and sobbed.

"Dad..."

Lin Xingfan hurried over and stood at the door, watching me in my inconsolable grief, remaining silent. He hadn't seen me cry like this even when my father first passed away. Only now did I understand: the death of a loved one isn't a sudden downpour, but a lifelong dampness.

"Cry it out. You'll feel better." Lin Xingfan walked over and gave my shoulder a comforting pat.

Not until the tears finally ran dry did I stand up and wipe my face with the back of my hand. "It's fine. I'll take a couple of days off, go back, and burn this at his grave."

"I'll take leave and go with you."

I shook my head. "It'll take a few days to get there and back. You're an attending physician; don't you want a promotion?"

Lin Xingfan was silenced by my words.

"My car was towed by the traffic police when I was looking for Xu Zhixia yesterday. I'll go clear the violation today, then head home to see my mom."

"Have you thought about what you'll tell Aunt Jiang?"

I offered a helpless, bitter smile. "I'll just hide it for now. One day at a time."

After eating, Lin Xingfan watched me take my medicine and then rushed off to oversee the renovations on his new place. I changed my clothes and looked at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, my brows furrowed. Perhaps I should wear makeup when I return to hide this bloodless, corpse-like face; I’d hate to scare anyone.

After taking the subway to the traffic police station to finish the mandatory safety course, pay the fine, and retrieve my car, I stopped at the mall to buy some clothes and health supplements for my mother, along with gifts for Lin Xingfan’s parents.

As I walked out, laden with bags, I was approached by a female college student handing out flyers. "Brother, I'm a student working part-time. Could you help me out?"

Seeing her being rejected by others, I didn't have the heart to refuse and took one. She gave me a bright, grateful smile, her pearly teeth charming.

"Thank you, brother!"

"Don't mention it."

She thanked me and skipped toward another passerby, her ponytail swaying—the very image of youth. Being young is truly wonderful.

I tossed the bags into the trunk, sat in the car, and glanced at the flyer. It was for a new, high-end nursing home in the suburbs of Tianhai. I thought, if I died, sending my mother to a place like this wouldn't be so bad. After all, Lin Xingfan would eventually marry and have his own family to look after. Even for a friendship that started in childhood, decades of history could eventually wear thin.

Seeing the number on the flyer, I pulled out my phone and dialed. After scheduling a time to visit, I started the engine and began the drive home.

I filled up at a gas station, passed through the toll gate, and gradually accelerated to 110. The car was filled with loud, metallic rock music, and I found myself humming along, my mood feeling strangely liberated.

After nearly eight hours of driving, I could see the hills of my hometown in the distance. The sky had turned dark by the time I exited the highway, switched to the national road, and finally turned onto the winding mountain pass. I hated driving at night, especially on a mountain road after rain; I didn't dare lose focus for a single second.

I gripped the steering wheel tight, my entire body tense. I barely remembered to breathe. With my nerves frayed, I finally reached the entrance of the village.

*CRASH! Vroom... vroom!*

"What the hell? Why won't it move?"

I stepped out and shone my phone's flashlight on the ground.

"How the hell is there a mud pit here?!"