Chapter 8: Mom, I Don't Want to Die

I stared at the chat box, typing and deleting, typing and deleting, until I finally sent nothing at all.

Just as I was fretting over how to face Ji Leqing, Lin Xingfan called.

"You picked a fine time to call. Tell me, why did you summon Ji Leqing back? You know full well what happened between us all those years ago!"

"It seems you two have met. Did you take the medicine?"

Only when Lin Xingfan mentioned it did I remember that, because of Xiao Zhu’s call, I hadn't managed to take the medicine from Ji Leqing's hand. I fell silent for a moment, but to put Lin Xingfan’s mind at ease, I lied.

"I took it."

"Good. Ji Leqing went to great lengths to get that from her mentor abroad; it would be a waste if you didn't take it."

"I know you’re a stubborn mule and won't come to your senses for a while, but just try to suppress the progression for now."

The medicine Ji Leqing brought—didn't she say Lin Xingfan asked her to help me?

"Wasn't this medicine something you asked her to give me?"

Lin Xingfan laughed on the other end of the line. "As a surgical attending physician, I don't have the reach to get you medication for stomach cancer."

"Fanzi, I already owe Ji Leqing enough as it is. I can't—"

"The past is the past. I only went to Ji Leqing as a last resort, just to see if there was any hope."

"She’s already let go of the past and is willing to help treat your illness. What’s the point of dwelling on all that?!"

"Or do you actually think your death will make Xu Zhixia repent? She didn't treat you like a human being while you were alive; she’d probably dance on your grave once you’re dead!"

Lin Xingfan’s words choked me, leaving me with a headache. Had this guy been eating bullets? Why was he so sharp-tongued?

I rubbed my temples and took a few deep breaths.

"I’m not trying to make Xu Zhixia do anything. I don't have feelings for her anymore, really."

But Lin Xingfan just dismissed my words as nonsense, given that he had watched me play the role of a desperate sycophant to Xu Zhixia every step of the way.

"Jiang Jian, let’s make a bet. You bet that your stomach cancer can be cured, and I’ll bet that you can’t let go of Xu Zhixia."

"How about it? Either way, it would be a miracle."

I wanted to laugh, but a sudden wave of acid reflux hit, burning my esophagus and throat with a searing pain. My voice emerged hoarse.

I cleared my throat. "Cough, cough. Fine. What’s the stake?"

"If I win, you give me that *erhu* your father left you. If you win, you can name any condition you want."

Is it my father’s *erhu*? I stood up and opened the wardrobe. In five years of marriage, I had only a handful of clothes that were truly mine; the emptiness was piercing.

I pulled out an old box from the corner, and my father’s *erhu* lay silently inside.

My father wasn't some master of the instrument. In his youth, he learned a few tunes from "Old Blind Wang" in the village. Aside from farming his small plot of land, he earned extra money by playing funeral music.

Masters use *erhus* made of sandalwood or rosewood, but my father’s was made of common mountain bamboo, covered in snakeskin.

He played that *erhu* from his youth until the day he died. It was long since battered and worn, sounding like a dying donkey when played.

Yet, as worthless as it was, I kept it as a treasure. Whenever I missed my father, I would take it out and look at it, as if he were still alive.

Lin Xingfan knew me well; I couldn't bear to give this away.

"Fine. I’ll take the bet."

I was just humoring him, anyway. Heaven wouldn't make my cancer cells disappear just because of a wager.

Lin Xingfan had a patient to attend to, so he gave me a few more instructions and hung up. I put the box back in the wardrobe and lay back on the bed, exhausted.

I had just closed my eyes, thinking how nice it would be to just drift off, when the phone rang again.

Damn it, why won't these calls stop today?!

A nameless rage surged up. I thought if it was a telemarketer, I would definitely curse their ancestors, but then I saw who was calling... it was my mother.

"Hello... Mom, what’s wrong?"

"Dabao, Mom knows you’re busy. I don't dare call you often for fear of interrupting your work."

"But I’ve been feeling so uneasy these past two days, I had to call just to be sure."

Hearing my mother’s cautious concern on the other end, my nose stung instantly. I suppressed a sob and forced a cheerful tone.

"I’m fine, Mom. Don't worry about it."

"As long as you’re fine. Zhixia comes from a prominent family, so it’s inevitable she has a temper—*cough, cough*—be more patient with her."

"Mom, are you sick? Why are you coughing?"

My heart sank.

"It’s just a cold. A little medicine and a good sleep will fix it. You go back to your work now, I’m hanging up."

The dial tone echoed in my ear. Tears dripped one by one onto the dark screen, reflecting my face, which was filled with sorrow and despair.

"Mom, I’m not fine at all. I’m going to die, but what good does it do that I don't want to die..."

After the massive blowout with Xu Zhixia, I locked myself in my room, calculating how to settle my mother’s affairs after I was gone.

Thinking it over, the only suitable person was Lin Xingfan.

Sigh, my best friend never got to enjoy a good life with me while I was here, and now I have to burden him with taking care of my mother after I’m dead.

When I opened the door to leave, Xu Zhixia was gone, leaving the living room in a mess. She must have been certain I would clean it up.

Heh. Why should I? I’m not her maid.

To live a few more days and finish what I needed to do, I pulled out my phone and called Ji Leqing.

"Leqing, that medicine..."

"Lin Xingfan called you to ask, didn't he? Otherwise, you wouldn't have remembered to take it."

"I don't have time to go over there right now. Come here and wait for me."

After she hung up, Ji Leqing sent over an address: Bijiang Mansion. I recognized the place—it was a famous luxury residential area in Tianhai where several of my clients lived.

Why would Ji Leqing ask me to wait for her at Bijiang Mansion?

Regardless, I took a taxi there. At the entrance of the complex, which was built to look like the Arc de Triomphe, I saw Ji Leqing leaning against a car, puffing on a cigarette.

Seeing me get out of the taxi, she deftly stubbed out the cigarette, tossed it into a nearby trash can, and walked toward me.

"You got here fast."

"When did you start smoking?"

The smell of smoke on her clothes hadn't fully dissipated. I could tell it wasn't the cheap stuff I used to smoke.

"Learned when I was studying abroad. Too much pressure; couldn't help it."

Ji Leqing shrugged and pulled the medicine bottle from her pocket, handing it to me.

"Everything about how to take it is written on there. Don't forget."

"Why didn't you tell me this medicine was something you brought back from abroad?"

Ji Leqing paused, then gave an indifferent laugh. "After all these years, Lin Xingfan still can't keep his mouth shut."

"Does it matter whose medicine it is? I didn't want you to misunderstand and think I still had lingering feelings for you, making things awkward for both of us."

"We’ve known each other for so many years, don't I know you? You’d rather suffer than lose face."

"If I had told you upfront that this medicine was hard to come by, you probably wouldn't have accepted it even if you were dying, right?"