Chapter Three: The Past Like the Wind

"I told you, my name is Jiang Jian. Jiang as in the Yangtze River and the vast sea, Jian as in the virtue of gentleness and frugality—I am not your Pei Zhixing!"

I sat up abruptly from the sofa, my eyes burning with anger.

I admit that Xu Zhixia’s body is curvaceous and exquisite, like a work of art meticulously carved by the heavens. Once upon a time, I was so obsessed with this body that I was driven to madness, willing to sacrifice everything for it. But this body had never truly belonged to me, and I did not want to remain a substitute for Pei Zhixing even as I neared death.

"Jiang Jian? Fine, have it your way!"

"Get out!" Xu Zhixia cursed directly.

I didn't say a word and retreated to my room.

I found it hard to sleep that night, and I didn't know if Xu Zhixia had fallen asleep either. When I rose from bed, it was already past eight o'clock. As I put on my shirt, I felt something was wrong; I could feel the bones in my chest protruding. I rushed to the bathroom and fixed my gaze on the mirror.

Only then did I realize that the person in the mirror looked like a completely different man. My cheekbones were prominent, my frame gaunt, and my complexion sallow, devoid of any vitality. I looked like a candle that had burned through its oil, flickering, on the verge of being extinguished at any moment.

Looking at this wretched state of mine, I felt a sense of sorrow mixed with relief. As I had told Lin Hangfan, it was time to walk the rest of my path.

I took out paper and a pen and began to make a list.

During college, I had started a business, a small company. Though this path didn't lead to immense wealth, it sustained my daily needs. Looking at the characters "Jian Xia" written on the paper, memories of my youth filled my mind like an inescapable wind.

My love for Xu Zhixia was not a sudden spark of first love, but a fluttering in my heart that had existed since I was young. Back then, I was just a snot-nosed kid in a mountain village, destined by fate to follow the path of many who lived and died in the village—dropping out of school, herding sheep, getting married, and having children. It was Xu Zhixia’s father who sponsored the children in our village, promising to cover all tuition fees until we graduated from college. It was this decision that allowed me to break free from the cycle of fate that had trapped generations in that mountain village.

It was also then that Xu Zhixia, wearing a little pink dress with her chubby cheeks, following behind her father, became the sun in my eyes. Through elementary, middle, and high school, I pushed myself to the limit just to keep up with her steps, eventually getting into the same university as her.

But, the moment I finally reached the sun, I was dealt a heavy blow.

Xu Zhixia had fallen for an upperclassman named Pei Zhixing. Pei was a notorious playboy on campus—known for clubbing, flirting, and leaving girls to deal with unwanted pregnancies. Yet, Xu Zhixia was hopelessly in love with him.

I never dared to dream that the sun would shine upon me, but I couldn't bear to watch it set like that. So, I began a naive campaign against Pei Zhixing—verbal sparring, competing in every contest I could find. Winning against him felt like conquering the world, a way to prove to Xu Zhixia that I was better than him.

But such love, proved through competition, was fragile and cheap; it couldn't even catch the eye of the one I loved.

Aside from those childish rivalries, the "Jian Xia" company—named after my character "Jian" and her "Xia"—was my only small achievement. But Jian Xia was not doing well now. Although it was still profitable, it was a shadow of its peak. The reason was Xu Zhixia’s suppression.

Because I hadn't donated my kidney to save Pei Zhixing, apart from the torture she inflicted on me after our marriage, she targeted Jian Xia, the company that symbolized everything I had worked for, as an object of her revenge. She opened a company that offered the same services as Jian Xia, and with the backing of the Xu family, she could undercut our prices by twenty percent. Consequently, Jian Xia lost all its competitive edge and could only barely scrape by.

I was dying, but the employees who had worked so hard for Jian Xia all these years needed a way forward.

On the white paper, I added three names in parentheses after "Jian Xia": Lin Hangfan, Zhao Xinze, and finally, Xu Zhixia.

A moment later, I crossed out the first two.

Lin Hangfan was a doctor at a top-tier hospital with a bright future. Out of childhood friendship, he would certainly do his best to manage the company for me, but that would inevitably hinder his medical career. As for Zhao Xinze, my business partner, he was clever and resilient, but he couldn't pour his heart and soul into the company the way I had; without me, Jian Xia would collapse.

As for Xu Zhixia, if I could reconcile with her, the company’s future would be bright, and those who followed me would not be mistreated. But did I really want to reconcile with her?

I hesitantly placed a question mark after her name.

I continued my list.

To walk through the misty rain of Jiangnan, to ride a small black-awning boat, to feel the wind of Daocheng Yading, to witness an autumn fairy tale of love.

As I continued, I suddenly stopped my pen, feeling a sudden sense of boredom and futility. Whether it was the misty rain of Jiangnan or the fairy tale of Daocheng, they all seemed tagged with the label of "love."

My love had died the year Pei Zhixing died, and since then, only tragedy remained.

I crumpled the paper, threw it into the trash, grabbed my coat, and headed out.

Located on the edge of the Tianhai business district, in a small three-story building, hung a sign with the large characters "Jian Xia."

I looked at the company with complicated eyes. This place was once my hope, and now, it was a burden I couldn't let go of.

I took a deep breath and adjusted my expression, trying to look a bit more energetic. However, just as I was about to step into the company, a familiar yet slightly changed figure appeared not far away. I looked toward the figure, and a pair of eyes, clear and deep like autumn water, met mine.

"Ji Leqing?" I called out to the woman.

She didn't answer but walked slowly toward me, stopping half a step away. Then, those eyes focused on my sunken, gaunt face.

"You're dying."

Ji Leqing’s voice was cold; her tone was mixed with a hint of pleasure and a touch of regret. Looking at her, my heart felt tangled.

If Xu Zhixia was my sun, guiding my path as a child, then the person before me was my moon. A boy from a mountain village could not help but carry the naivety of first seeing the world and the deep-seated inferiority of being helpless. When I first entered college, I yearned for the sun, but I was out of place in this world. It was Ji Leqing who appeared, accompanying me to competitions, helping me choose my path, and even helping me build Jian Xia, guiding me as I shed my naivety and inferiority.

But to possess the sun, one must abandon the moon.

When the "Jian Xia" sign was raised, Ji Leqing had looked at me with cold eyes and left without saying a word. That she had come here today was a complete surprise.

"The stomach is an emotional organ. You married your beloved, and you ended up with stomach cancer?" She let out a soft, mocking sound. "Doesn't seem like it was worth it."

Ji Leqing opened her bag and took out a pack of medicine.

Hearing this, I recalled every little detail of my life with Xu Zhixia. Although I desperately wanted to refute her, I had to admit that Ji Leqing was right.

"Yes, it really wasn't worth it. We should be getting a divorce soon."