Chapter Fifty-Three: No Time to Fall for You from the Beginning

As for the song she never got to sing for him, the only melody that surfaced in her mind was that of “Heartbeat,” but it was only after their breakup that its meaning truly resonated with her. The lyrics, full of sorrow, matched the moment perfectly—now, the white clouds truly entwined the blue sky, and they truly could not be together forever. But she lacked the courage to reminisce and had no right to embrace him, while he, nevertheless, continued to dwell in the depths of her heart. In the stillness of the night, she could only hum softly: Let the past stay in the past, there’s no time to fall for you all over again.

She remained silent for a long time. He exhaled, letting his question drift into the wind: “Never mind, I won’t force you to say it—just as you never forced me.”

“No, it’s not the same,” she immediately protested. “In the past, I didn’t dare ask anything of you, because I was afraid I couldn’t do it myself.”

A complex feeling stirred within him, subtle and almost imperceptible. In his understanding, the more one cared, the more one longed for, the greater the fear of loss became. Thus, countless demands—reasonable or not—would arise, all in hopes of holding tightly to the other person, even at the risk of being accused of clinging. With a trace of regret, he said, “It’s a bit of a pity for me. I might take it to mean you never really cared.”

What utter nonsense—it was as if he truly did not understand her feelings. It was like falling into a vicious circle, each believing themselves the one most hurt, each desperately weaving accusations of infidelity in love against the other. Facing his charges, her defense was so honest it seemed frail and powerless. Almost in regret, she said, “Everyone has at least one regret in life. My only regret…” She paused, then admitted openly, “is never telling you how much I loved you.”

She seemed drained of all spirit, slumping weakly in the saddle. His eyes were filled with complicated emotions; his gaze trembled, brows tightly knit, all his attention fixed on her face. Four years had passed, but he still remembered every one of her expressions—her coquettishness, her feigned anger, her joy, and… her honesty. What little sanity remained forced him to mock her cruelly: “Do you really think I’d still believe you?”

His words nearly made her lose composure. The chill of them sent a shiver across her scalp. In his eyes, love seemed riddled with conspiracy theories. She mustered her strength and snatched the reins from his hand, her gaze no longer gentle: “What you don’t believe is yourself. That’s why every word I say sounds like a lie to you. If the only way to feel better is by hurting each other, then I’d rather you’d already died in my heart.”

She spurred her horse and rode away. At last, she understood: no matter how beautiful the scene, the ending would only ever be a mess. She laughed at her own foolishness, at having been naive enough to show her true feelings, as if she deserved his eternal contempt. She whipped the horse desperately, her body jolting almost to the point of falling apart, but she didn’t care—she only wanted to escape him as quickly as possible. He was too terrifying now.

Suddenly, the horse reared, startled for reasons unknown. With a sharp cry, it reared up, and she couldn’t hold the reins. In an instant, she was thrown from the saddle, landing hard on the ground. For a moment, her mind went blank, and over the roar of the wind, she heard his startled shout.

Through her daze, she glimpsed his anxious face as he held her in his arms, watching helplessly as she slipped into unconsciousness.

The hospital.

“It’s just a fright, and the wounds are superficial. Some ointment and a bandage will do. As for her mood, that’s something none of us can help with,” the doctor said pragmatically. Lin Shuo nodded silently, his brows still furrowed, his mind lingering on fear. In that moment when she fell, he was terrified he might lose her forever. Holding her, he hadn’t known how much strength to use—too much and he might hurt her, too little and he feared she would slip away. He endured the torment until now, finally able to let some tension go.

Do Not Speak of Love When Lonely, Chapter 53: No Time to Fall for You Again. The update is complete!